I’m not a naturally patient person. While today’s fast food, text message, Instagram, I-need-it-now culture hasn’t helped me develop patience, Jesus has. The fruits of the Spirit (love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control) take years of walking with Jesus to cultivate. While I can be patient and kind in my flesh for a short time, only the Holy Spirit can develop a heart that is truly patient and joyful.
When I started praying for my husband’s salvation, I honestly expected a quick answer because I had been so loved and “spoiled” by my kind Daddy those first few months. Living with Jesus as a baby Christian felt like living in a holy bubble. Everything was sweet, colors were bright, and I was always protected. Most importantly, God was merciful and gracious by answering many of my childlike prayers almost immediately. When I prayed for my brother’s salvation, for instance, it happened within months! Many days I would pray for the Lord’s provision because our budget was super tight, and within hours of those prayers, I’d often find an unexpected check in the mail or a surprise gift of food, clothing, or whatever it was that we needed. One day I prayed that a high fever would leave my daughter. She was well within ten minutes! Sometimes my prayers were silly. “Lord, please give me a good parking spot so I don’t have to walk in the rain!” He almost always answered. Eventually, though, I had to stop acting like a baby Christian and grow up a little. (1 Corinthians 13:11) So, Father began to wean me of immediate answers so I could begin to crawl and then walk in faith. He also allowed me to face trials and storms that refined and caused me to mature.
I’m not going to lie. The transition from baby Christian to toddler was hard! When I prayed for Jason’s salvation, I was shocked when my prayer wasn’t answered as others had been. Months and then years passed with no visible change in my husband’s heart. In response, I’d cry manipulative tears to Jason and yes, even to God. “Please change him!” I’d beg. When that didn’t work, I‘d indignantly stomp away from God’s presence and peace to accomplish this important task on my own. Like a three-year-old, my actions said to my Lord, “I do it by myself!” I argued with Jason. I coerced and reasoned. When that didn’t work, I’d relent and admit it was beyond my power and then go back to praying harder. I’d anoint his pillow and his shoes and weep into my pillow until it was ruined with tear stains. Still my prayers for Jason’s salvation were not answered. As my past entries have clearly demonstrated, God was not silent on my husband’s future salvation. Jesus gave me words of encouragement and signs to keep me hanging on in faith that my prayer would eventually be answered. God also stretched my faith further and promised that one day Jason would serve in youth ministry. In order to see these promises, though, I would have to be patient whether I wanted to be or not!
After three or four years of praying fervently, however, my husband had almost no interest in the things of God. It was about this time, however, that my prayers began to change. I realized that the “change him” prayers were wrong. Instead, I really needed to pray, “Change me.” I searched the scriptures for much needed advice and decided to at least try to take the first steps to obey Peter’s instructions to unequally yoked spouses: “Wives, be submissive to your own husbands so that even if any of them are disobedient to the word, they may be won without a word by the behavior of their wives…” (1 Peter 3:1)
I’ll talk more about the often volatile topic of submission in another entry. Today I’ll focus on the second half of Peter’s instruction when he said, through the guidance of the Holy Spirit, that it was my behavior, not my words, that would do more to win Jason to the Lord.
Men are creatures of action. They want to see results. Advertisers know this, so men’s ads look very different than women’s. To demonstrate the point, I suggest taking a trip to your local grocery store and meandering through the soap isle. Look at the descriptions of men’s body washes and compare it to the descriptions of products made for women. The difference is almost comical! A man’s body wash might say something like, “Fresh. Clean. Triple action formula to remove daily dirt and grime.” A women’s soap description might read something like, “Rich moisturizing soap that sooths and protects. Beautifully scented and enriched with chamomile, hibiscus, and Vitamin E. Relax and rejuvenate as you wash your cares away.” If you watch TV ads, you’ll notice the same pattern. Also notice how males spend their free time. Think about the activities guys choose when spending time with other guys. Gentlemen fish together, attend a sporting event, or canoe up a river. Men were created to want to fix, do, take charge, and conquer. In short, they want results!
In 1 Peter 4:1, the Lord wants wives trying to win their husbands to know their audience! If we don’t, we can make the mistake of trying to win a guy with what comes naturally to almost every female: words and conversation. Talking makes sense to us! While men cultivate relationships with activity, women develop friendships face-to-face. We meet for coffee or have breakfast together so we can talk, vent, and share! God’s advice to me regarding winning Jason to Christ was to ignore my girlie instincts that told me to present hubby with lofty arguments for my faith (which he would probably consider nagging), but instead to change my behavior so Jason could see the results of living a life for Christ. This request was a whole lot harder than giving a speech or well-reasoned argument!
So, in short, I shut up. I let the Holy Spirit speak, and I just continued to try to be more like Jesus every day. I directed all that pent up talking energy at the Lord, kept praying, and never gave up! I went to church. I guided my children in the ways of the Lord as best as I could. I served Him where and when I felt led.
One of the ways that I chose to serve was in a ministry called Kairos Torch Prison Ministry. For those that are familiar with fourth day movements like Walk to Emmaus and Great Banquet, Torch basically ministered in a similar way except inside prison walls to juvenile inmates. Team members conducted three day weekend retreats on a biannual basis. (To learn about 4th Day movements, click here: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Three_day_movement .) Torch team members then followed up weekend retreats with hour long mentoring sessions once a week for the next year (or until the inmate was released) to make sure boys were cared for, loved, taught, and discipled long after life changing weekends.
During my very first weekend retreat inside the prison, a man from another Torch chapter in a different state came to observe our new team and give notes for improvement. As I prepared to leave the facility after a long, exhausting, and exhilarating time with precious boys, the observer came up to me specifically and asked if I had ever attended a 4th day event like Great Banquet on the “outside”. I hadn’t and in fact didn’t even know what he meant or that Walk to Emmaus or Great Banquet existed. He suggested that I attend a weekend on the outside as soon as I had the opportunity.
The very next day, I attended a Bible study with my mother that was being held at a local Christian radio station through Moody Bible Institute Broadcasting. During that study, a woman I had never met approached me and said, “Can I sponsor you at a ladies’ Great Banquet event?” Obviously, I knew immediately that this was a God moment, so I said, “Of course!” Although I was in another city for the Bible study, the Banquet was to be held at my home church, and it was scheduled for that very weekend! For a girl who doesn’t have a lot of patience, this kind of timing was AWESOME! I knew I would find out what the Lord had in store for me in a few days! I could not have been more excited.
As expected, my Great Banquet weekend was life changing. I have never felt more loved by God’s people- the Church- than during those few days. I won’t ruin the surprise for any reader who may be prompted to seek out and attend a 4th day weekend in your area by sharing many details about the weekend. However, something happened that particular October ladies’ Banquet that is critical to my husband’s salvation story.
On Saturday evening, the women at Banquet prepared to go to dinner. I waited in line to enter into Fellowship Hall where tables were set up and food was being served. When I entered the room, a very polite volunteer greeted me kindly and offered to escort me to my table. I took his arm, and we began to walk.
Suddenly the Lord spoke, “Ask him his name.”
Um… okay. “What’s your name?” I asked in obedience. The young man replied, “My name is Jason.” I started to cry almost immediately because I knew what the Lord was saying. Because I had spent years walking with Jesus, I knew His character enough to know by now that this was another sign that He was going to save my husband. When Jason saw my tears, he began to fill the dead air with more conversation. “I attended the men’s Great Banquet two weeks ago. It changed my life. I gave my life to the Jesus and now I’m here to serve as I was served.” Wow. It just got better and better!
I immediately had a new mission: GET MY HUSBAND TO THE NEXT MEN’S BANQUET!!! How was I supposed to do that, though, without nagging (something the Lord specifically warned me against in 1 Peter)? I went home from my weekend and immediately asked both Jason and my brother to go to the next men’s Banquet scheduled for January. (I had to wait 3 months for the next event! Ahhhh!) I thought it would make Jason more comfortable if he had a friend to go with him and thus make it more likely that he would agree to attend. Of course my brother, an “all in” believer, was willing to attend. My husband’s answer was, “I’ll think about it.” What a frustrating response! I couldn’t push him on it though. I had to be patient and believe that he would somehow make it to the weekend in January.
Finally, the month of January came and Jason finally agreed to go. I was bursting with excitement because I just knew that all those years of tears and waiting were almost over. My prayers were about to be answered! A few days before it was time to drop Jason off at the church for Banquet, we went out for a dinner date. After years of reserved silence on the issue of his salvation, I finally spoke. I know that I wasn’t 100% loving and patient as we chomped our burgers and chewed over this most important of all issues. I could and still can be a bulldog when it comes to apologetics and matters of faith. However, I knew the Lord led me to point out something painfully obvious that evening. I told Jason quite frankly that he couldn’t spend his life living on the fence or just ignoring Jesus. In so doing, he was really saying no to Jesus’s offer of grace. I said, “Indecision is no.” Jason got angry and clamed up as usual as I began to push- so I dropped the subject and moved on to safer topics. I sighed inwardly knowing that I had done everything I could do- it was up to the Lord and His timing.
When I went to Jason’s Great Banquet closing ceremony, I found that the Lord did indeed answer my prayer to save Jason. My husband went up to speak to the crowd gathered, and because he was choked up, he could only manage to get out, “I’m on a new path.” I cried. Others sitting with me in the audience who knew my story rejoiced with me and held my hand. I no longer had to walk the faith walk alone in my marriage- Jason would be walking with me and my King. I would learn later that Jason had been moved and forever changed by the true agape love and transparent fellowship of other believing men. The brotherly love that he felt in that vulnerable, tough, broken, and rugged group had chipped away at any remaining doubts leading to final surrender at the cross. Praise Jesus!
Because of my experience with Jason, I have come to believe that many churches have missed the mark in ministering to men. Again, it’s clear that men want and are moved by action. How much “do” can they experience on Sunday mornings when they are expected to sit, listen, and take notes for an hour and fifteen minutes? Don’t get me wrong. I’m all for teaching, expository preaching, and studying the Word of God. However, I am of the opinion that it might be a good idea to pair solid Biblical teaching with outreach events beyond the walls of our church buildings so they our men can experience the love and grace of God first hand while “doing”.
Through the years, I’ve also come to the conclusion that men need other men. I spent so many years talking about Jesus with no change in Jason’s heart. However, Jason spent one weekend with “the guys” and that did it! While I rejoiced in Jason’s rebirth, there was a teenie part of me that was indignant. I thought, “One weekend? SERIOUSLY? Why would he listen to them and not to me?” But then I noticed with cursory glance at my Bible that Jason was no different than other men in scritpture. Moses needed Joshua. David needed Jonathan. Timothy needed Paul. The disciples needed each other. Even Jesus needed Peter, James, and John! It’s clear that men desperately need other men to grow! For this reason, I began to pray shortly after Jason’s Banquet that he would get a spiritual mentor. The answer came a couple of years later when the Lord sent a man named John to pour into my husband’s life. The friendships that he has developed with other Godly men have done more to help him in his walk than I can express here. God is so good!
A year to the month after Jason’s Banquet, he was baptized. He is currently serving every Sunday as a teacher in the youth ministry at our church and hopes to serve Jesus in full time ministry one day soon as God has willed and promised.
The difference this time is that we can (hopefully) patiently wait together for this particular promise to be fulfilled.
Luke 11:19 “So I say to you, ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you.”